Jaded Love

I read this article not so long ago on extroverted versus introverted people. The basic jist of it was that introverted people tend to get over-stimulated easily and withdraw from stimulating situations, while it is hard for extroverted people to get stimulated so they constantly seek stimulation. I tend to be more on the introverted side.

I wonder how this system works in terms of relationships, and when looking for love. Is it possible to want a relationship, and completely be put off and disgusted by it? I wondered this as I went on my date Saturday night. He was a great guy, and really good dating material, and I could tell he was really into me and in the moment I was really into him too. So the date came and went, and the following day, when people are supposed to be panicked about who is calling who, nobody really called. I didn’t call or text, neither did he. Was it possible that the over stimulation of the “boyfriend” experience (a REALLY great experience, might I add), might have been a bit too over-stimulating for my relative gay dating inexperienced heart?

Could this put-offishness I have be because of this experience? Or did I expect too much of a date and when I got it, it didn’t meet my expectation. It could possibly be all of these, and maybe none of these. What I do know is that my single heart is content right now, man or no man on my side.

I think I’ve garnered a few things from this date that kind of makes me want to relax about relationship: 1) that I’m dateable, and 2) that someone can find me completely and utterly attractive, because its one thing to tell oneself that you are good enough, attractive enough, etc.; but its another thing for your hand to be held or to be told that you are cute when you smile a certain way; each complements each other and do not live in the singular (that’s why I despise that saying ‘you gotta love yourself before you love another’) because everyone WANTS validation every now and then even the most independent person.

With that said, I guess Jaded might be the appropriate word to describe how I feel about relationships. I am over-stimulated with the said experience of a boyfriend, that for now I want to relax. My inexperienced self needs to take things in steps and not get flooded with many things. But I am happy that I went, and that for those few hours I experienced what I haven’t experienced in my 24 ish years of life.

Much Love,

J.